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As a mom, you set expectations for yourself. They’re probably high. And, chances are, you probably don’t always meet them.

You know what?

It’s OK.

Repeat after us: No one is perfect.

But that doesn’t mean the mommy guilt you feel isn’t real. The trick is learning how to overcome it. By recognizing some common “guilt triggers,” you can also learn to give yourself a bit of a break.

Loving Every Minute of It

Before your baby was born, you may have thought you would love every moment of being a mom. But now that your baby is here you realize you don’t. Let’s be honest - that’s a pretty tall order, and babies are A LOT of work. You love your baby, but sometimes you need a break. In fact, taking that break can help you be a better mom. So recognize that not every moment with your child is sunshine and roses, take a little time for yourself, and let that guilt go.

You’re Doing it Wrong

Everywhere you turn, parenting advice is at your fingertips, whether it’s from experts online, your mom, or the neighbor next door. It’s great that answers to your questions are so readily available, but it can also make you question yourself endlessly - especially when the advice is conflicting. At some point, you need to choose a trusted source (like your pediatrician) and trust yourself. Remember - there’s more than one way to be a great mom.

It Doesn’t All Have to be Quality Time

We live in a very child-focused society, and it’s easy to feel like every moment you spend with your child needs to be enriching. But let’s get real - whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or not, that’s just not realistic. Sometimes, you need to do the laundry or make a meal. And during those times, it’s perfectly OK for your child to be safely engaged in an age-appropriate activity, alone. We’ll let you in on a little secret - kids learn and grow from spending time on their own, too. So relax, mom.

While that mom guilt is most certainly real, don’t let it consume you. Learn to recognize when it’s creeping in and then, “Let it Go.”

Growing up you probably didn’t have as many self-esteem issues as children nowadays do. Between bullies and the overwhelming, inescapable media, children’s self-esteem is lower than it has ever been. While you can’t protect them from everything like you wish you could, you can create a positive atmosphere and environment to help them grow and develop positive self-esteem.

Give your child the perfect amount of praise.

This can be tricky because you don’t want to feed their ego too much and create a monstrous, arrogant child, but you also don’t want to over criticize them. Praise your child when they do something good (get a good grade in school, pick up their toys, get to bed on time, share with their siblings, or even eating all their vegetables). Don’t be afraid to give your child constructive criticism, but don’t correct every single thing they do or they will feel inadequate.

Show them affection.

Even if you aren’t an overly affectionate person showing your child love and affection is a necessity while growing up. Saying “I love you” or even just a hug can boost your child’s confidence immensely. It will show your child you care for them, but also it helps them to become more comfortable with expressing and showing their emotions.  This can help you out. As they grow up they will not be afraid to come to you with their problems or struggles, which is ultimately what every parent wants.

Smash the negativity.

While this can be extremely hard and sometimes not even a possibility, try to remove all negativity from the house. Try to keep your negative thoughts and feelings to yourself, but also don’t let siblings call names, or put others down. It’s easier if you pick out specific words your children are not allowed to say. Also teach your child everyone makes mistakes and they shouldn’t be too hard on themselves. “If at first you don’t succeed, try try again.”

Be the example.

Remember as a mom you always have little eyes watching your every move. Most habits are learned from home. If you are constantly down on yourself, taking the easy way out, or calling others names, your child will pick up these habits as well. Be sure to practice what you preach.

Spend quality time with them.

Don’t be that mom who is constantly ignoring her child because she is on her phone, doing laundry, on the computer, or even getting ready. Take the time to put away your phone and other distractions to spend quality time with your child and engage with them one on one. It will make them feel important and boost their self-esteem.

Help them build their own self-esteem.

Another thing you can do outside of the home is put them into things that will help boost their confidence such as sports, dance, or musical classes. Help build their skills so that they feel good about themselves. It can be scary at first for your child to try something new, be sure to encourage them when you can tell they feel unsure of themselves.

Teaching your child to be their own self and to be confident in them is one of the best things you can do for your child. Be sure to teach them that it is not okay to be the bully and that when they are being bullied it is okay to seek help and talk to you about it. Raising a child can be hard and sometimes we wonder if we are even doing it right, you are not alone. Ask for advice if you are struggling or can’t seem to help your child the way that you are wanting.